In Limbo

I talked to Jarrod about this the other night, but I am not happy with the present state I am in right now. Problem is, I'm not quite sure how to really change it.

I feel like I'm in limbo, I'm waiting. I feel like I'm a piece of luggage on an endless flight that doesn't quite know where to land yet. My life feels like it's on hold or something.

A. I'm waiting to find a full-time job. While my part-time position has been just fine, and I am very grateful that I have it, I still need and want to find something full-time, in my degree field. But this one is probably the hardest one to change, as there is not a whole lot of opportunities out there just yet and I can't just force someone to hire me.

B. I'm waiting to move out. This one will only happen after I acquire A.

C. I'm waiting to move on in life with Jarrod. It's all very exciting to think about what's to come, but again, at the moment I'm just waiting.

D. I'm waiting for Jarrod to be out of school and come home. I doubt C is happening before this one, so I'll just have to sit tight. Furthermore, I'm waiting for some of my other friends to graduate and come back home.

E. I'm waiting to feel better again. Now that I have a slightly new-found motivation to exercise, I'm anxious to feel better again. I'm ready to not feel tired after climbing a couple flights of stairs, I'm ready to be able to catch a cold and not have it knock me over for a couple days (I'll put up with one day, that's all, haha), I'm ready to have more tolerance for things. But, as we all know, one of the biggest evils of exercise is that you see little to no benefit in the beginning and it sucks majorly, so it makes you want to quit. Well, this time I don't think I really can afford to.

I was thinking about this earlier: while theatre in high school was awesome for me because it gave me something to do and a good group of friends, when I decided to drop dance classes in Junior year was probably one of the worst things I could have done health-wise; I quit ballet, pointe, jazz, and tap cold turkey and didn't find any new activities. I've been without exercise for over 5 years now, and I need to quit thinking I can go without it, buck up, and just do it. My lungs will thank me for it later, I'm sure. So I am on the long trek forward to gain back some tolerance and hopefully see lots of improvement. I read a story of a girl with CF once who was like me, started exercising when she was in her mid 20's, and now runs marathons. I hope I can get to a point similar to that.

So yeah. Lots of waiting. And E is about the only part of this I have major control over. The rest is either just going to unfold with time or is completely out of my hands. I have a feeling that I'm either going to look back on this year or two years of my life and either I will find that I did a lot of growing and changing or that it was a complete waste of time. Right now, I'm feeling like it's a waste of time. Who likes to wait?