Shop Small

I had a conversation with a woman who owns a local business in our small town. While I was making my purchase, I also asked her about donating a gift certificate to an event I was chairing. She said she couldn't, but could offer some coupons for free coffee. Then we had a nice little chat.

In a matter of words, she basically said how she gets these requests all the time (she said she kept a notebook one year, and they were almost daily.) As much as she'd love to support everyone, this is the best she can do. Otherwise she would go out of business.

I've been thinking over our conversation ever since. She was so friendly, and I greatly appreciated her donation and her openness and warmth. I told her I was new at all this, and I was completely surprised to hear that almost every day, someone else just like me is asking her for something.

I've lived here almost my entire life. I've seen our small town expand and grow and bring in a lot of chain stores and restaurants. And while that's exciting and good, to a point, it also means it gets that much harder for the little local guys to compete. I am still saddened that our Benjamin Franklin 5 & 10 (a.k.a. Annie's) had to close years ago, and I realize it was probably due to us getting a Michael's store. I can list off a handful of nice fine dining establishments that have gone out of business too. And those are the ones just during my lifetime.

Towns and cities are constantly changing, for sure, but with the added competition from online sales and the convenience of two-day Amazon shipments, it has to be harder than ever to run a small business.

I really like the sentiment and meaning behind the phrase "shop local" or "shop small." But in truth, I'm not the best at putting my words into action. Maybe you struggle too. After that conversation, I realized I need to work on changing this.

The big chain stores are hard to ignore, with their large buildings and big, bold signs in high-traffic areas. But there is definitely something to be said for paying a little more to support a small business. Getting the lowest price on anything and everything is not the point of life. If it were, we would all be wearing sweatpants from Walmart and eating McDonald's (because seriously, can you believe how cheap their food is now?)

It's not going to happen overnight, like all habits it will take some time. And I'm not even arguing buying everything you possibly can from local shops, because I realize most of us live on a budget that might not bend and flex.

But prioritize.

Everyone laments when a small business announces they will be closing... for good. I have seen it time and time again: the shop announces on Facebook they will be closing their doors. And how they love this community and are sad to leave, but they just can't keep going. And they want to thank their customers and support they've received. But they have to do what they have to do. Many people swoop in with sadness over the news, claiming they were their "favorite" or raving about this or that, but words like this do not equal dollars.

If there is a shop you really like, make a point to go in there more than once a year. I'm certainly guilty of this, only patronizing a couple businesses around Christmas time. When I walk out, I'm always like "Why don't I come here more often?" I'm a big believer in putting random, mundane things on list apps so why not include something like this? Add "Check out what's new at _______"

And while sad comments about a shop going out of business don't equal dollars, you know what could? Good reviews.

Reviews really have become the keystone of online purchases and decision making. It started with Ebay sellers and knowing you wouldn't get ripped off, to Amazon with product reviews, to Yelp, to TripAdvisor for places to go, to Facebook, on and on. So if you can't afford to shop somewhere, you can certainly afford to give them a great review so someone else can. It only costs you a little bit of your time. And in some places (like Facebook) you don't even have to write anything, you can just rate them.

I adore this little store that I went to. It offers more flavors of coffee than I've seen anywhere else, plus loose leaf tea, plus a myriad of other cute and useful household items. I would be truly, truly saddened if she ever had to close her doors. So starting now, I'm going to make a concerted effort, until it becomes habit, to go to her store more often. I can afford to pay just a little more for a bag of coffee beans.

Another lady opened a book store last year here. It is the most adorable book store, in a little historic corner house. It's warm and inviting, and everything a small-town bookstore should be. Last week, I messaged the owner asking if she could order a book for me. I know fully well I will pay full price for it, whereas I could just order it off of Amazon for 30% cheaper, but right now I don't care. Walking through her store is so... up-lifting. Back in college, when I drove away from a Border's store for the final time after their going-out-of-business sale, I almost cried because I thought this was the beginning of the end of book stores. I love book stores, but buying all my books from Amazon does nothing to keep book stores alive and well.



You have to admire small business owner's for their willpower, too. I know I don't have the guts to do it. With the entire world seeming like it could be against you, with cheaper prices or fast convenience or better roadside placement, it has to be exhilarating and frightening to take the plunge. You have to admire those kinds of dreamers. Those are the kinds of people who truly believe in their community. Who believe that, no matter what, it was worth a shot, because had something to offer; they bettered their community and the lives of their customers.

When you think of it like that, who wouldn't want to support them?

*Today was Mom & Pop Business Day, and inspired me to finally publish this post. I hope it inspired you a little bit :)

Should I take a picture?

On a radio show I listen to, the guy was ranting about a tall person in front of him at a concert taking a video of a song. He was so aggravated, because it was blocking his view. He was almost yelling "You will NEVER watch that video! Never! Put your phone down!" And I got to thinking... he is so right.

Like almost everyone, I've videoed part of a song at a concert, or a moment I'd like to remember. In the moment, it seems important and like something I don't want to forget. But in reality, yeah, I maybe watch it later that night once we're home, but that's it. I've never gone back—months, years later—and spent my precious time watching old concert videos. Now that he's pointed this out, I might not take a video at a concert ever again. 

Thanks to the ubiquity of smart phones, I think we all (not just young people) have a problem these days with trying to capture everything, whether it's photos or videos, instead of just living in the moment and taking it all in. I don't do this all that often, but I'm still guilty of it. And most times, you miss something because you're fumbling with your phone or trying to watch the concert on your phone screen, you are oblivious what's actually happening in front of you. I know that's happened to me more than a few times, and I'm guessing it happens to almost everyone. 

It's an interesting problem. Long gone are the days of expensive cameras (not to mention, the cost of film) that practically forced the person to think carefully about how they used it. You didn't just take a picture of every single thing in your day, you took pictures of the important things. Now the opposite is true, we take pictures of everything. Is the deluge of photos we'll never look at again a good thing? Is it better to remember it all, than to just remember the important parts? 

With all of this in mind, I've been pondering something: should I even bother to take a photo of the eclipse? The eclipse is less than two weeks away, and I'm really excited. I did some research about taking photos of an eclipse, because it's a tricky thing to do. If I did it, I would be using my good camera, not my phone. However, just like we have to protect our eyes during an eclipse (before and after totality) you also have to protect a camera; there are solar filters you need to use. Pointing a camera directly at the sun can cause major damage to the image sensor, and I would guess the same could be true for my iPhone's camera. Which means, the only time I might get to take a photo is during totality, when it's safe to look at the eclipse with the naked eye, and that will only last for 2 minutes 29 seconds. That's not a very long time. And it's something I will never, ever see again. And the photo probably wouldn't even turn out that good. My camera is a good camera, don't get me wrong, but it's still not a professional setup.

Initially, I figured I would take a photo of the eclipse, but now I don't think I'm going to. I might take a picture of myself, Jarrod, and Josie, in the darkness, but trying to get a good shot of the eclipse itself would take a lot of trial and error, in such a short window of time. I would rather just sit back and enjoy the moment as it is.

Favorite short of the day

I found this video and wanted to share. It's a sweet little animated short. I won't preface it too much, other than it brings up some great questions to ponder. What does work/life balance mean? Where do creatives fall in a world that isn't built for them? How do you keep that creative spark alive while still being a responsible adult? How do we unknowingly foster, or squash, creativity in children?

Enjoy! And don't forget to stop and smell the roses, appreciate the art and beauty around you, and thank the artsy weirdos in the world who strive to keep it that way!

(If video does not show up in the email, click on the blog title to see it.)

Turtles

As far back as I can remember, I have always liked turtles. I'm not sure why, I can't explain it. And if the Buddhists' version of creation is correct, I was probably a turtle in a previous life.

But now I've realized just how perfect it is for me to love turtles.

In July, I had a nurse while I was in the hospital named Mihiri. She was originally from Sri Lanka. I had her as my day nurse for 5 days, so we got to know each other. I thought she was quite funny, and she was a good nurse. I think she enjoyed me as a patient too, because after the first couple days we would usually chat a little bit when she had to come in my room. She appreciated me being so involved in my care and asking questions. One day when my doctor was in the hall after just leaving my room, I remembered something. I called out there, she was still there, and told her a prescription we forgot to discuss. Mihiri commented, to my doctor, "Isn't she good? I love it, I love how she is not afraid to speak up and be involved." My doctor agreed, and said it was unfortunately rare.

So every time I go in the hospital, I take my stuffed animal turtle Bernie. He's the perfect size and shape that he feels like hugging a little pillow. I've had Bernie for... a long time. I can't remember what year it was, but it was the first time I had to be hospitalized at Cardinal Glennon. We had just switched doctors, because our insurance would no longer cover Children's Hospital, so I was a bit down about being in a new place with new doctors (new everyone, really) and on top of that I was sick enough to go in the hospital. The gift shop, at the time, was a tiny room on the way to the cafeteria. Mom, dad, and me went down there to get some food and I commented how cute that turtle was high on a shelf in the window.

Well, sometime later, my parents surprised me with a gift bag... they had bought me that turtle in the window. I named him Bernie and he's been my "hospital buddy" ever since.

Mihiri really liked my turtle, which I usually keep at the foot of my bed during the day; he fits perfectly down there and is out of the way. She was commenting about it and was saying "No, I'm serious. I really think I want to get one for my daughter." Her daughter, she had told me the day before, had graduated college and lived in Maryland. "It would be a nice little gift, just a little something different. A nice reminder 'Slow and steady.'" she said.

I can't get those words out of my head.

What a perfect motto for my life's journey with CF. When I get sick, it's a serious thing, and it's a long, slow battle back to health. Exercising... another great example. On Monday, I had a really hard time walking on the treadmill. It was discouraging. Tuesday was a little better, but I was really huffing and puffing trying to walk at a good 2.7 mph speed. Then yesterday: bam! I could walk 3.0 mph and I was NOT totally beat by the end of it. Slow and steady...

This is also kind of topical as the Olympics were this year. No athlete who went there magically became good at their sport overnight, or quickly. It took years and years of slow progress to get to where they are.

I'm dealt with setbacks all the time. It is SO hard to see the big picture sometimes and see that yes, I'm doing better than I was 3 years ago, and that that's a good thing to focus on. But I have to stick with my treatments, I have to exercise, there are no shortcuts for any of this. Because sure enough, slowly and steadily, I can continue to improve or at the very least maintain my health. I saw the best lung function numbers I've seen in years back in February. I could reach that again sometime.

Slow and steady...

Bernie.

Photo Shoot: Lesson Learned

I've been sitting on the following blog for quite a long time, so I thought I'd finally publish it. Here goes:

I thought I'd share some thoughts I had after our photo session from last fall, in case you might be thinking of doing one yourself in 2017.

With everyone and their brother proclaiming themselves as photographers these days, there is definitely an over-abundance of choices for photographers to use for photo shoots. Being the person I am, I am very, very particular about photographers. I'm also a harsh critic. Most people are fine with almost all of the work that is out there, but truthfully there are a lot of mediocre photographers who don't really know what they're doing, which bugs me. It devalues the creative work of people, like myself, who actually know what we're doing—but that's another rant for another time.

Last year, I had my list narrowed down to three photographers whose work was seemingly up to my standards. One was significantly cheaper than the others, they had done my friend's wedding and their photos looked great, and we went with them. They had good photos on their Facebook page with nice outdoor backgrounds, on a piece of property they have set up specifically for this.

My first suggestion for doing a photo shoot is: Book early! Unfortunately, I put off contacting the photographers for a little while. I wanted a date in the fall when the trees would be turning—like lots of people, I'm sure—but they were almost all booked up and I was going to to have to push off our shoot until the spring. I learned that they are now more of a 'group of photographers' and we wouldn't have the woman who shot my friend's wedding. I jumped at the one open session, which turned out was with one of their B-list photographers. I realized later that the lady I emailed with to set all this up was the main family portrait person, the girl who did our shoot was not.

Our photo shoot was short and sweet, and we had a decent time. Our photographer seemed knowledgeable enough. I said I wanted some photos with just us, some with our dog, but I was leaving the rest up to her expertise. She was pulling up various poses on her phone for ideas during the shoot, which was fine with us, and we were done in 40 minutes and heading back home with Josie not too traumatized.

A few weeks later, we received our "preview" on Facebook, which is how this group does it. They posted about 8 photos of us to their page, and I shared the album with excitement. The photos looked great, but it would still be another month or two before we got all of them back.

I will say a small complaint right now about the photographers we used, and I know it's very nit-picky, but to me it was very evident whose photos they loved, and whose photos they were just doing their job. For some super cute families or couples, they kind of went on about how adorable they were, how much fun they were, what-have-you, and then for the other not-so-perfect people, of which I will lump in our set of photos, there was nothing. It was just like "Well, here's the photos of these people, they're nothing special." It kind of hurt, just a smidge. Like I said I know this is nit-picky, but it felt like a subtle way of saying "This isn't our best work, but here's your photos anyways." Either they should fake enthusiasm with all of their clients' previews, or just post them with no comments. I imagine I can't be the only person who's ever picked up on this.

The day came when I got our photos back, and it was ahead of schedule. I downloaded all of the images, super excited to see the rest of them.

And then... my excitement subsided as I started to arrow through them. They were not that great, and there were a few that were downright bad and I was surprised they included them in our final selections. Essentially, all of the good ones were the ones that were posted in our Facebook preview. There weren't many 'new' ones that particularly wowed me.

Jarrod and I sat down and marked which ones each of us liked, and there ended up being 12 photos we liked, 7 of which we felt worthy of getting prints of, and 22 that we didn't like at all. So here is the live and learn part...

Nope, never getting prints of this one.
Plus, the lighting is awful on this.

Most of the photos we didn't like were ones where we weren't looking at the camera. There were a lot of cutesy poses where we were gazing into each others' eyes, kissing, or just sharing a gentle smile, not looking at the camera. Some people might be a fan of those, but honestly I don't know who would get large prints of those to hang on their walls. This isn't an engagement photo shoot, I really don't need a bunch of lovey-dovey photos. I'm not going to hang a large 11x14 of the two of us kissing in my house, I'm going to hang up the family portrait of us and our dog. Furthermore, from a guy's perspective, Jarrod didn't care for those because he said "That's just not me, I'm not like that." And it's true. It's nothing against Jarrod whatsoever, because I would venture to guess that most guys aren't exactly movie-style romantics. So for him those seem very unnatural, and honestly they feel that way to me too. I didn't say anything during our shoot because I didn't realize just how many of them (photos not looking at the camera) we were taking. And, live and learn.

Basically, the next time we do this I want more traditional, portrait-style photographs. Some people want the cutesy photos, but now that I've gone through this, I learned I'm not one of them.

And, remember how I said I was really picky about photographers? Well, turns out their photo-editing skills are not as good as I thought, especially on their black and white photos. Take a look at the comparison I loaded on here. The top photo is their version, the bottom is mine.

Really, whenever we do this again, I just need someone to take the photos and to send me the raw files. I can do the editing myself, which I'd almost prefer seeing as how few people actually know how to do it well. I'm not even an expert, but I feel I can edit out some really natural-looking photos that look good. The black and white photos we received were not great, and after about 10 minutes in Photoshop, I had them looking way better. I did a blind test with Jarrod and asked which one he preferred, not telling him which one was mine and which was theirs, and he picked mine every time.

It's kind of funny because for this photo shoot, we had a good time with the photographer, but the photos we ended up with were just so-so. For our wedding, the photographer ended up driving us nuts, but we got some damn good photos from him. Maybe if we're lucky, next time I can find a fun photographer AND they know how to take great photos, haha!

My last suggestion is the most difficult. If possible, I would suggest hiring a photographer you know. Even if it's just a little. Picking a photographer is much like picking a name out of a hat, and that was certainly my case. Yes, they had photoed my friend's wedding, but it was a different person who only does weddings, not the actual photographer we got. Ironically, the same week we got our previews, I also saw a really neat piece about 6 different photographers who took a photograph of the same man. Each person was told a different story about the man, and it showed that photos are entirely dependent on the photographers impression of you, the subject. Check it out here, it's a short little fascinating video. With that in mind, if you can find a photographer who knows you, I would bet your photos are going to be even better because of it. They might know a tiny bit of your own life story that influences their work just enough to produce some really spectacular images. Next time I do this, I'm going to most likely choose someone I kind of know.

Right or left ?

Are you right-handed? Or left-handed?


I'm right-handed in writing, but I'm a bit of a mix-up when it comes to dominant sides. I've been recently reminded of this with the camera I got for an early birthday present.

I decided to try putting my right eye on the viewfinder and realized that cameras are built for right-eye dominant people, just as most things are made for right-handers. I'm left-eye dominant so instead, my oily nose smushes up against the back of the camera and always leaves a smudge on it.

But my confusion doesn't stop there. I also play sports semi-left-handed, haha. I golf as a lefty, bat as a lefty, play tennis as a lefty, but I shoot pool as a righty, throw a ball with my right hand, and if I hunted I would shoot with my right hand (and with a dominant left eye that would make things kinda complicated.)

I was wondering if handedness is genetic, since my mom is left-handed and my dad is right-handed. Scientists suspect that it is genetic, but not in the traditional sense that explains why I have CF (I do), if you have red hair (I don't), or which of your toes is longest (my second one.) All of those follow the standard dominant/recessive patterns. Genetics have always fascinated me and I would love to look at a whole bunch of data on traits people have and inherited, just for fun.

So I have no answers as to my odd combination of the two, but I have yet to hear of many other people who have things both ways like I do. I know they are out there, but again, I'd love to see some data on just how many of us there are. So I ask you, are you kind of a mix when it comes to right- or left-handedness like me?


 
As a side tangent, if you're unsure which is your dominant eye, there's a little trick you can do to find out. I didn't figure this out "officially" until a few months ago, though I've always closed my right eye in times where you need just one eye open; I just didn't give it any thought.

Efficiency

I strive to be a very efficient person in my daily tasks. Every morning, while my breakfast is cooking in the toaster or in the microwave for three-point-five minutes, I proceed to get out all of my morning pills, which takes about two minutes of my time. Or I'll make coffee. In the shower, I hate having to wait for the soap to run to the end of the bottle, so I will usually buy soap pumps or turn the bottle upside down even if it's not running low; it takes seconds off of my time otherwise wasted waiting for the soap to come out. If I have multiple errands to run and stops to make, I will map out the best route in my head ahead of time so I can maximize drive-time. By nature, I walk at a fairly good pace (I'd never make it in the South, people there like to take things slow and easy... haha.)

It's something that is ingrained in me, somehow. Maybe it's something I picked up from my parents. Maybe it's because subconsciously, I want to make the best use of my minutes since I have to dedicate so many of them to treatments and taking care of my CF. Who knows.

But having a lung disease does not allow for efficiency.

More and more, I find myself getting winded when I'm walking, and I have to consciously slow down my pace. I wouldn't say I'm rushing, just walking at a decent speed. But, I also have my short legs working against me and it always takes at least 1.5 steps for me, when it might take someone of average height 1 step to cover the same distance. But I have to make myself walk slower, nonetheless, so I don't put myself into a coughing fit.

Sometimes, if I'm sick, I have to go about my entire day at a slower pace and again consciously, deliberately slow myself down.

And I hate it.

I really don't think I'm trying to cruise through life without stopping to smell the roses, but all of this made me wonder: maybe I am? Should I quit worrying about constantly saving a minute here and there? Part of me says No, those minutes add up, and part of my says Jamie, you're being silly, let it go. Why not worry about the other minutes your ARE actually wasting?

Sometimes my dog will remind me to literally stop and smell the roses. Or an evergreen bush—there's something interesting about one of them that she always has to stop and investigate. She always makes me smile when she does that. Am I missing out on other opportunities to smile in life?

I Don't Have Time

I can't take credit for this idea, but I had to pass it on.

Instead of saying "I don't have time" try saying "It's not a priority" in its place.

• It's not a priority to clean my house.
• It's not a priority to check up on my family.
• It's not a priority to read a book.
• It's not a priority to just sit and talk with my spouse.
• It's not a priority to exercise.
• It's not a priority to keep myself healthy, or get healthy if I've been lagging.
• It's not a priority to do something I truly enjoy.
• It's not a priority to call you back.
• It's not a priority for me to pray.

Kind of changes the way it sounds, doesn't it?

Obviously, there are times where we simply "don't have time." But if I'm honest with myself, it seems the reason I continue to neglect certain things is because I'm just not making it a priority.

Pick something you've been neglecting and work on it. I already have something in mind for myself.

Life Is Amazing!

I watched a special on PBS' Nature the other day. It was the first of a three-part series about animal homes. This first episode was about bird nests. 

As you know, I love birds, but I hadn't given it much thought as to how many different kinds of nests there are. It's kind of amazing. As the episode showed about 6 or so different birds building their homes, they were all so unique. The little hummingbird makes his nest from plant fibers and spider silk; the osprey carries hundreds of pounds of sticks and builds up a colossal mess of a nest; the brush turkey in Australia just kicked back a giant pile of leaves, left the eggs to incubate inside the big pile, and then left them to fend for themselves like baby turtles who have to climb to the surface and find their way. I've included the video of the hummingbird below (if you don't see it, click here to go watch it on YouTube), because it was just fascinating. I love those little hummer birds, hopefully I'll have some in my backyard this year.

It was definitely one of the most interesting shows I've watched in a while. After it was done I was left with one thought: Life is amazing.

I mean, how often do we sit back and really ponder about life? No one birds how to do these things, why they should make a nest out of sticks or mud or leaves, they just DO them.

But beyond instincts and intuition, I got to thinking about how life is amazing on a cellular level. All life starts out as two tiny little cells, whether it's a person, a bird, a dog, a lion, a fish, anything. And somehow those cells divide, and somehow some of those cells become hair, and some become skin cells, and some of them become fingernails or claws, and some of them develop internal organs, and some of them develop noses and eyes, on and on. No one is making this happen, no one is telling these cells how to divide, it just happens!

Isn't that amazing? Like really, totally awesome, crazy amazing?

Ice Buckets

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard of or seen the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge videos. My Facebook feed is slammed with videos right now of people of all ages doing this. The TV news has been showing videos as well, ones that celebrities and presidents do. And maybe like you, I complained about it.

Last night I was telling my husband "You know, I'm really tired of seeing these things." And tonight, I'm not even exaggerating, every. single. post. in my Facebook feed that was from a person and not a news source was an Ice Bucket Challenge.  I've seen them pop up from time to time for months, but suddenly this thing is literally EVERYWHERE! And I might be wrong, but I don't think in the very beginning that they were tied to a specific charity, because I definitely saw someone take an ice "bath" for CF.

I had a small bone to pick with the whole thing in part because it completely plays off of the vanity of Facebook. Like, do we really have to dump buckets of ice water on our heads to donate to charity? Why can't we just donate to charity? In private? Without telling people?

On another note, while we're talking charities and causes, there are millions of people in the world who are without clean water, and here we all are dumping it on our heads wasting it. Depending how you feel about that, you could easily be upset over that aspect.

Then last night, our local Orange Leaf store issued the challenge to my workplace. This morning we had a quick meeting about when and where we should do this, how we could try and get other employees to join in. And then I found myself researching what ALS is and watching a very emotional video of a 26-year-old man who was diagnosed with ALS. And he was talking about it and how much it scares him because it runs in his family, and then you see him taking care of his mother who is in, what I would guess to be, the late stages of the disease. It was heartbreaking.

I get it now. If I (via my workplace) had not been issued this challenge, I would never have done my research to find out what ALS is. And I never would have donated either. Yeah, I've heard of "Lou Gehrig's Disease" but I didn't actually know what it was. These videos are talking points, they're "fun", and the exact thing that I did is the entire point: to get people talking and educating themselves about it, and in turn hopefully donating towards it.

The skeptic in me still wonders if everyone who does this is really making a donation, or if they are just making the silly video and moving on. Or maybe they intend to, but the next day they forget about it and never do? But clearly it's effective, as donations keep climbing to numbers the ALSA has never seen before.

And you know, if the CF Foundation ever comes out with a campaign that goes viral and raises a ton of money, I will rejoice at that. CF affects nearly 30,000 people in the USA, and it is estimated there are 30,000 people in the USA with ALS. So we're kind of on the same level as far as how common the diseases are and, I would imagine, how much funding and attention they receive. But for now, I'm happy for the ALS community that their cause is getting the attention they hoped for. I donate to yours, you donate to mine, eh? :)

Death of a Genie

No one could have guessed that the next tragic celebrity death we'd be dealing with would be that of Robin Williams. My social media feeds have been so full of things about Robin Williams, be it simple signs of memorial with people standing on desks, quotes from favorite movies, or articles about him, that I'm almost getting tired of it. Maybe you are too, and even if you aren't I'm going to try to keep this as concise as I can.

I think there are two reasons the world is so shocked about his death. One, being that he provided so much happiness and laughter for others, and two being the reason of his passing. It is unnerving and hard to fathom that someone seemingly so passionate and joyful, who could bring so much laughter to the world, was in fact so isolated and joyless.

Many took to Twitter to post their thoughts, and many of them simply said there were no words to describe how they felt. But one very popular tweet has me unsettled and I think I finally figured out why.

The Academy tweeted out this last night:

As you can see, it's been retweeted and favorited many times. Some have called it the 'perfect' way to pay tribute, or memorialize, or whatever it is you're trying to achieve. 

At first glance, it seemed kind of nice. After about 3 seconds it seemed kind of... off. 

In case you're a little fuzzy on the ending of Aladdin, in the Disney Aladdin movie, Aladdin uses his final wish to set the genie free. It's a semi-emotional scene with the genie being taken aback that he would do such a selfless thing, and Aladdin declares again that is his intent with "Genie, you're free." Some magic happens, the genie rises up, his cuffs of enslavement to the lamp are broken away, and he is free.

It's a joyous occasion.

Suicide... is not a joyous occasion. 

The image could also imply that suicide is a solution to freeing yourself of your demons or your pain. I don't think that's the message you'd want to send to someone dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. 

There is a much better, more proper way, to handle this, and that would have been with another quote that follows immediately after the scene where Aladdin frees the genie:

Yes we will, Aladdin, yes we will.

Anti-Paper-Receipts

It's Earth Day today, and in honor of this day I'd like to put one small Earth-changing suggestion out into the universe.

I wish more retailers would have the option to email receipts, or the option to not even print a receipt if I don't want one. The only reason my purse ever gets filled with clutter is due to the ungodly amount of receipts that get shoved in there for weeks on end. I never take them back out, I rarely look at them again, I don't do anything with them. They are a waste of ink and paper on me.

There are some items that just don't need a receipt either. When I buy a soda at the gas station, I don't need a receipt. I can't return the item, neither would I ever need proof that I bought it.

I realize some people might still want receipts to balance their checkbook, and that's fine. But if you're like us and you charge everything in order to reap the cash-back benefits, it's not as essential. Again, just email it to me, if I need to check it against what was charged to my card it would be so much easier to pull up a folder of PDFs than to dig through my purse of tiny papers.

I would gladly set up an email account with a phony name to use specifically for this purpose (in case the privacy concern crossed your mind, like it did mine.) Square has jumped on this idea, and I wish others would too. In this day and age, it just makes sense.

Tidbits and Musings

1. I'm supposed to have my doctor's appointment tomorrow, but with the incoming snow we will see if that happens. My dad is set to take me in the truck, but that may all change with the forecast tomorrow morning. This sucks and is also kind of funny because these appointments were already delayed and rescheduled once... due to the weather two weeks ago. So they might just be rescheduled again.
2. Even though the Super Bowl itself was not so good (if you're not a Seahawks fan [shout out to my favorite Seahawks fans, you know who you are!]) I thought the rest of it was good. For the first time in a while, you didn't have to hide your kids during the commercials or the halftime show. Bruno Mars did a great job, proving he was a worthy choice, and RHCP did fine too. I'm glad to see things are circling back around commercial-wise too. We weren't inundated with snarky or immature boobs and booze humor. Although I did feel some of the commercials were a bit too warm and fuzzy for my tastes. That being said, I still loved the Budweiser puppy; it's cute, and I love all things cute. And the puppy has a Twitter account, which I started following on Friday. It's adorable, and it started with a video of the puppy running giddily back and forth on a giant keyboard with the caption "I'm Tweeeeeeeeting!" Super cute.
3. Best new discovery to occupy your dog: stuffing treats into a Kong toy. Seriously. I bought some extra tasty peanut butter softie treats for Josie, and put a couple inside her Kong, and she is SET! It took her 1.5 hours the other day to get them all out (or lick them all away) the other day, and she never tired of it. Obviously, the treat is worth the effort, plus it keeps her mentally engaged aka, not bored.

More Thoughts on Time

My little morning meditation the other day struck me, as it was an extension of the conversations and lifestyle changes myself and a few others were talking about a month ago, with cutting down our time on Facebook. The quote said this:

"We fritter away time every day on silly Internet games, trashy novels, insipid television shows, and the like. And while we all need time to relax, we must be jealous of the hours we have been given here on earth to do God's work." — from Sisterhood of Saints

During my hospital stays, there are many hours wasted on mindless activities. I've never been attracted to the drama-inducing or mockery reality shows, so most of the television I watch is educational, but still: it's TV. I tried out a few games on Facebook too, just to wile away the hours (since I couldn't confer with the flowers or consult with the rain). But I found them all really boring; I only stuck with one game, and even then I played it sparingly. I haven't played it since I left. It was fine and fun, but I viewed it for what it was: a time waster.

I don't say that as an excuse, but I feel that if we could acknowledge things for what they are then we can work towards actually doing things that improve ourselves or benefit others. "Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery" right?

In the same way, I think admitting when things aren't helping, making you happy, or enriching your life whatsoever is the first step in finding things that do. It's a struggle, obviously, because it is so easy to get sucked into the warp. And we all need some down time, for sure.

But we all know how satisfying it is to reach the end of the day, look back on it, and think "Wow, I got a lot of stuff done today." I know God wants me to have a satisfying day much more than he wants me to have a boring day.

Petals

I wondered how many petals were in this flower, so I counted them. 186.

And over 50 of them were clustered in the middle in less than a centimeter of space. Isn't nature cool?

Totally Rad: The Facebook Issue

Thanks to my dear friend Marie, I was introduced to the "Radical Life" blog. The Radical Life is thought-provoking, to say the least, and challenging. I highly recommend checking it out, it might just change your life, or at least awaken it. This all came about because my friend decided she was finally pulling the plug on her Facebook account. If you'd like to read about her thoughts on that, click here. But in the RL blog, he wrote about reasons to quit Facebook and objections to doing that. In short, it's not that Facebook is terrible, it's just that there are so many better ways to spend your time (but that really doesn't do it justice, I encourage you to just read the whole thing lol.)

This is not a completely new idea. I know that Facebook isn't a productive way to spend my time. And to some people, who haven't had FB their whole adult life or who aren't what I would call "power users", this all may seem quite obvious. Because it is, when you really think about it. But for those of us who have had Facebook all through college, and surely spent countless hours dodging our studies with it, it is still easy to get sucked in. It is so easy and so accepted to spend an hour (plus more...) scrolling through Facebook every day.

Thanks to all of those blog posts, I too have been doing a LOT of thinking and analyzing lately in regards to how I spend my time, aka life. But in addition to how much time we spend on Facebook, he also took a critical look at what we all do on FB. There were two points that really hit home for me in the original Radical Life post; they go hand in hand actually.

One was the observation of how few intimate moments we have these days. How true, yes, how true, said the Sour Kangaroo. Whether your time is interrupted by a text message or you spend more time playing with your phone than talking with your spouse or kids, that alone is a huge distraction and killer of intimate moments. But the bigger point is to think about just how much STUFF we all share online. How many times do people post photos of their babies onto Facebook practically minutes after they cut the umbilical cord? Or how often do people share photos of their spouse, because they're on a romantic dinner date and want to tell you about it? I would not consider myself an "oversharer" by any means, but the takeaway to me is that some stuff (okay, a LOT of stuff) just doesn't need to be shared. Relish in the moment, live in the now, take it all in! Don't ruin it by "Wait-hold-on-I-wanna-take-a-picture-of-you!" or thinking about how you should show this to your friends online. Some things should be left shared only by the people in the room.

The other part to this is we start crafting posts in our heads before or as things are happening; hoping our carefully crafted post will gain Likes and Comments. He called it "Life through a lens" and we are "reporting our lives instead of living them." I'd be lying if I didn't say I've fallen victim to this sometimes. And it is really great to realize it so I can work on cutting it out.

I think that part really resonated with me because my job is social media. I carefully craft posts in hopes that, as a business, we will get our posts in front of eyes. Because eyes, essentially, can equal revenue from the website. So thinking about what to post, what not to post, how to word it, what not to say is engrained in me. But I think there is a way to separate my social media obsession that I'm required to have to do my job from my personal life's social media usage. It's difficult, but I think it's possible. My husband has this incredible ability that when he walks out the door at the end of the work day, he is no longer working and it is far from his mind. I think the same thing is achievable for me. Once I'm off work, I don't need to and shouldn't think about what I should post to my Facebook.

Because the big question that this entire mess of thoughts and blog posts is: WHY DO WE DO THIS?!

I mean, seriously!? Why in the world do we feel like we have to share so much with our "friends"? I wonder if it has something to do with a longing to be appreciated, noticed, valued, etc. We want people to like us, we want people to pay attention to us once in a while, and with Facebook it's so easy. Consider telling your friend something. He/She is one person. You'll get a response from one person. But in telling Facebook, you've just told (probably) hundreds, and if ten people respond in some way, than woo hoo! I don't know, maybe that's not it, I haven't figured that one out yet. But still, that one personal response is way better than ten empty, lifeless Likes on Facebook.

Without trying to make it too complicated though, I wonder if the big reason we do this stuff is that it is just so darn easy and people are getting lazy. It's easy to "keep in touch with people" versus calling them up and actually talking to them. And I'm certainly guilty of that too.

In closing, if anyone's still reading this, all of this has made me do some reevaluation that I'm sure I will write about some more some other time. I am by no means perfect, and I am struggling. But I'm a little less quick to post things to Facebook the past couple weeks. Sometimes I even write something up then delete the whole thing because I ask myself "Why am I doing this?" I'm also working really hard not to visit Facebook on my phone very much, or on the computer. I deleted the Facebook bookmark off my browser so it's not staring me in the face all the time. I'm working on putting down the lens and just enjoying the moment. Because like the people I mentioned at the very beginning of this have said: there are SO many more awesome people and things you can spend your time with.

Cheers.

Life Is Precious

It's days like today where you find yourself in a whirlwind of emotions and slightly intertwined lives, leaving you to ponder the meaning of it all.

I give you three tales of life, in mostly chronological order as they happened today.

The first is a story from this morning. This morning's commute was not quite normal in that it snowed the first "major" snow of this season. Many people ventured out, some people turned around to head back home after deciding it was too slick (like me), and some people got stuck in traffic on the interstate. The interstate was shut down this morning due to an accident. A man in a tractor trailer began to swerve after a woman tried to merge into his lane, he lost control his vehicle, and crashed into the concrete pillars in the median of the highway that hold up an overpass. Jarrod was the first person to help this man.

Jarrod said he was over a quarter of a mile away when he saw it happen, could not believe anyone else hadn't stopped, so he did. He pulled over and headed over to the truck where he found the driver gasping for air and unconscious. He did what he could to help the man, and eventually more people stopped to help too. One of them was a doctor, so at that point Jarrod said he got out of the way so the doctor could take over. By the time Jarrod left the scene, the driver had stopped breathing.

First of all, I find it greatly brave that he decided to be the first person to stop and check on the man. I don't want to go on about that, but I just find it courageous. Secondly, it made me take pause and think 'That could have been him.' We all are slammed with moments like this from time to time; you start thinking about how you didn't hug them long enough, kiss them enough, or said "I love you" with enough meaning, had this been their last day. In an instant, this man was on the edge of life, and it feels odd knowing that my husband and a handful of other people were some of the last people he ever saw. I have no idea who he was, but my thoughts are with his unknown family and the sudden loss they've been dealt.

The second tale is from this afternoon. At my doctor's follow-up, I saw a guy in the waiting room for PFTs who smelled like an ashtray. I almost coughed just from breathing the air he stirred up as he walked by; it was pretty bad. Later, when I was done with my test and in the waiting room for my doctor, he was there too. He walked out of the doctor office, into the waiting room, and said "Well, they told me to quit smoking cigarettes," threw away a paper they gave to him about quitting, and laughed.

Now, here is a guy who most likely has a genetic, debilitating lung disease (I'm pretty positive they only see CF patients on Mondays), and he SMOKES!? I had heard from a few people there, in clinic and in the hospital, that there was a patient (or two) that smoked. It obviously baffles everyone. Why a person would choose to smoke, on top of having a lung disease, is beyond my level of comprehension. You would truly be speeding up death by at least 150%. This man's complete disregard for life astounds me. He must not value much of anything. And the fact that he laughed at the thought of quitting smoking just adds insult, if you ask me.

The third story is my own. I did not have a good checkup today. My numbers were the same as they were when I went in to the hospital, in fact slightly worse. And to explain that: usually my lung functions hover around 48-50, which is considered my baseline. But today, my numbers ranged from 27 to 34. What this means, friends, is that I am using 34% of my lungs. Yes, one third. The rest of my airways are either blocked, clogged, damaged, scarred, or just plain unusable right now. I've done two weeks and two days of antibiotics and gained nothing. I'm out of breath sitting still, I can barely get around, I have random coughing fits that tire me out to the point of falling over, and the good effects after doing a treatment barely last me 10 minutes. I feel, almost, as if I'm beginning the fight for my life. I'm not ready for this to be the state I will always be in from here on out. I've done everything the doctors asked me to do, but it hasn't helped. Now, I have 1.5 weeks more of antibiotics, and if that doesn't do the trick, then we are truly up a creek.

So maybe this blog does not make much sense, but to me I found these three things oddly connected today. One individual lost his life, one doesn't care about his life, and one is trying to get her life back.

How complex life is. How trying.

How precious.

Black Friday, day of the apocalypse

I'm not a doomsday believer; I don't really think the end of the world is right around the corner. I will, however, acknowledge there seem to be more strange occurrences in the world; more earthquakes, crazy weather patterns, and the like. These slightly tie in with what is written in Revelations, but then again it could just be the fact that we have more access to wordly news than ever before.

However, as I was watching a video last night of some Black Friday shoppers ripping through a Walmart display to get some sort of ten-dollar game/movie "while supplies last" (extra literally) I had this thought...

How "appropriate", per se, would it be that some Black Friday in future would be the day Jesus would come back to earth. I mean, how (almost) funny would that be?

We don't really have a huge understanding of God, and mine is certainly nothing to write home about, but I just imagine God observing the Black Friday catastrophes and saying to himself "This isn't what it should be like."

And on a side note, is it just me or did Black Friday get WAY out of hand this year? Stores pushing up their opening-times even more than before, just to get that extra dollar. This year aside, when did Black Friday become what it is today? Either I wasn't paying attention, or my memory is correct, but I don't remember it being this nuts when I was younger. We've all heard the stories of people being trampled to death just to buy a TV for 75% off, and this year alone some of my favorites were: person gets shot outside Walmart in attempted robbery to take his Black Friday purchases (sadly, the shopper was shot, not the robber), people ripping apart the Walmart display, the woman who sprayed pepper spray at fellow shoppers so she could get the deal first, or when gunfire erupted outside of a store in North Carolina. I don't think anyone was hurt there, but someone fired shots in the sky to distract people.

But back to my God assumption. With all kinds of things like that happening across the country, I just don't see God saying "Good job, people. Buy those TVs!" I mean, it's not technically the Christmas season, but for most people this day is the big day of Christmas shopping. Yet, despite all the Christmas-y feelings in the air, Black Friday brings out the worst in people, not the best. Once in a while you will find a diamond in the rough—a person who is not just thinking about themselves, but about their fellow shoppers too. But, like I said: rare. Extremely rare.

This morning our first reading was again the reminder that you do not know the time, nor the place when the Lord will appear, and you should be on watch at all times for that day. Yes, our God is a loving and forgiving God, but to me it would seem so appropriate for him to return the day after Thanksgiving while many are caught up being selfish, being the first to buy their big TV.

What a day

Like everyone else today, I'm blogging about 9/11. Ten years ago when I heard the news I was a freshman at Borgia in Theology class. A kid named Tony showed up late for school (he was notorious for that) and mentioned that the WTC had been hit. I honestly had never heard of the World Trade Centers, so I didn't quit know exactly which building he meant. Since I didn't know, I thought it has something to do with Wall Street and was wondering what would happen to the stock markets if all
of those people died. My next class was my world history class with Tyree. I believe we had a quiz or some homework to hand in, but after we took care of that he told us "Well, I've decided that we are just
going to go to the cafeteria and watch the television. This is history and nothing I could teach you today is as important as what is going on right now." At some point, Rev Kev got on the PA system and
announced what was going on and said a prayer. I remember thinking to myself 'Wow, he is really good at coming up with prayers on the spot.' For some reason, hardly any (if any) TVs worked at that time in the classrooms, so we went to the cafeteria where another class was already. We watched the paranoia unfold and watched the towers fall. I remember that well because I remember the TV reporter cursing on air, and since everything was so frantic that day it didn't get bleeped; I doubt anyone cared that day.

I admit that at the time I didn't, and couldn't, fully comprehend the scale of this or how large its  significance. And also, to be completely honest, I don't know that it phased me too much, but most
things don't anyways it's just how I am. I didn't fully understand or have some sort of emotional connection until about 3 years ago when I watched a video on YouTube. This particular one, though I couldn't find it back the other day, was shot from someone's apartment. There were two women in the background and, I presume, a child because they had a kids program on the TV. The kids songs playing in the background from the TV added a really strange feeling to everything, as you would guess. I just remember this lady's reaction when the second plane hit, and then I actually started to cry. She wasn't overly dramatic or anything, it was just pure, utter disbelief. But what really hit me was when she started to notice people jumping from the buildings and she said "Oh my God. There... there are people... and they're jumping?" Anyways, after watching that I thought to myself "Ok, I get it now." Watching a completely stripped down, bare bones version of the events unfold without any commentary or crazy newscasters really had an impact on me. I also remember when the towers fell and from her apartment, she had an interesting view. Since she was higher up, you could just see everything billowing between the buildings and I will never forget the way it looked. It looked like the hounds of hell coming to get you, with hands of clouds of smoke and dust just grabbing away; it was so, so strange looking.

The other night I sought out this video again, but never found it. I did, however, find someone's seven-part video montage of the events, and I watched those. The person did a good job with the various
footage they had. Again, it was so interesting and just moving to watch it. The most striking was the fifth one, I believe, in which the first tower fell. Hearing the screams and panic was just... unbelievable. So if you are curious and want to see more of a first-person account of the attacks, then I would recommend with caution. It's not easy to watch, but it's definitely moving.

Wise old creatures?

As far back as I can remember, I have always liked turtles. I can't explain it. And if the Buddhists' version of creation is correct, I was probably a turtle in a previous life.

So since I love turtles so much, I love it when I see one, and I am on the lookout, perhaps a smidge more than your average person.

You've probably heard the old saying "When you see a turtle cross the road, that means it's going to rain." (And if you haven't heard, well let me introduce you to this.) I don't know about you, but more times than not, this turns out to be true! Strange coincidence, right? I'm not so sure that it is...

I've had this theory for a long time that I believe there may be some truth to this. I've tried to do a little research on google from time to time when I think of it, but with no results. Either I'm not typing in the right search criteria or no one has ever done a study on it. But my theory is that the reason you more than likely see a turtle is because they are on the move, trying to find safety, a better shelter, or... something. Turtles are, by nature, kinda shy if you haven't noticed. Why would they continuously put themselves in harm's way crossing a road if they didn't feel, in their being, that it was necessary? I think they do this because they can sense the changes in the atmosphere, and therefore start moving to take cover, or whatever. It's long been thought that many animals have strange sixth senses connected to mother nature, so why not turtles too? They've been around for so long and most of them live until they're 100; I'm pretty confident they have some sort of connection with mother Earth.

But, the entire reason I'm bringing this up is because in the past 3 days, I saw more turtles than in a long time. I had multiple spottings every day. And it definitely isn't raining here; it's one of the driest, hottest weeks yet. Now it makes sense to me: they were on the move because they could feel the earth trembling. This morning we had a small earthquake not too far from here. It was a 3.9 or a 4.2, depending which website you read, but it still woke me up and lasted about 30 seconds. Just like cats supposedly do something strange before an earthquake, I think these turtles were responding too. What do you think? Am I crazy?