KC Getaway

This weekend Jarrod and I took a last-minute trip to Kansas City! We decided we would go on Wednesday, and put together some plans and booked a hotel.

We went out for a nice dinner on Friday, when we took this picture. We were all dressed up, and it was Jarrod's first time wearing a bow tie! We had reservations at a place called JJ's, which was really great. We both started with a cup of delicious soup (tomato basil for me, onion for Jarrod) and had steaks and potatoes for dinner.

Saturday morning we stopped by a candle shop I wanted to check out. Candles?! What?! I can't burn candles, but I do have a candle warmer and sometimes use wax melts at home. It was an adorable shop, and I took notes of scents we liked in case I ever wanted to order online. Right now I just put on "I'm the Boss, Applesauce" which is a nice, spicy apple blend. We went shopping at the Country Club Plaza, which for those that don't live here is a really neat historic shopping and dining area. Unfortunately, it was raining lightly and it wasn't all that enjoyable, so that got cut short a bit. But it was fine, really. I found a new vest and Jarrod got some gourmet food stuffs from this amazing cheese shop called The Better Cheddar. And I just had to go in a dog bakery, where I found Josie a "Woofie Pie" (doggy version of the Woopie Pie, haha!) I also got her a "Pupkin Spice Latte" cup full of treats. To say this place was adorable and full of wonderful dog puns is an understatement.

During the afternoon we went to the National WWI Museum, which we both really enjoyed. We both learned a lot, not really knowing a whole lot about WWI in general. The biggest takeaway we had was realizing that the whole war started in one week, and it all began because of a misunderstanding. I would recommend it, especially if you're a history buff.

After all of that walking around, I admit I was exhausted. Dinner was at this quaint, little Italian cafe nearby, and what a gem it was. Our waiter was Italian, which was obvious as soon as I asked what kind of sodas they had, and he said "San Pellegrino" so fast I had to stop and figure out what he said. The food was great!

This morning we got up and went to the art museum, which is a really nice museum. The building itself might be even nicer than the St. Louis building, though I think I like the St. Louis collection better. But there were still lots of great pieces and I enjoyed it. There was this one chair that I keep remembering... It was made of black and white puzzle pieces that were 3D printed, and it listed where you could download the plans to make one yourself. Which I think begs the question: If it can be mass-produced, is it still art? Which is exactly the kind of ideas that Andy Warhol was toying with with his screen-printing art. I guess the answer is yes, but the question still remains.

After that we grabbed lunch and headed home. It's kind of funny, because all of the restaurants I had planned for us to go to, we didn't go to them for one reason or another. But we ended up at the perfect lunch spot and ended our trip with these little dessert shots: puddings and mousse and cake served in a shot glass. Perfectly sized for one! Jarrod had a chocolate one, I had a hazelnut one and we both agreed, mine was better lol.

It was a really great weekend and I'm so glad we went!

Friday Fast 5

Five quick things!

1. I really can't believe Sunday is Easter. Holy cow, where did the time go? Is this the earliest Easter has ever fallen? I think part of the reason it seems weird is because it's still so cold and rainy here. Spring is hardly anywhere to be found. I saw our Easter photo from last year, and I was wearing a sleeveless dress. Granted, Easter was two weeks later than this year's but still. I haven't even switched my closets over to my spring/summer wardrobe yet, it's been too chilly.
2. Jarrod turned 30 on Wednesday! In the morning I picked up doughnuts from Schulte's for him to take to work and we went out for Korean BBQ after work. I'd never had it before, but he had it a couple times in California last year and really liked it. And it was good! I was proud of myself for trying a bunch of stuff too, kimchi for one (it's not for me, but hey, I tried it.) Turns out tofu isn't that bad, especially if it's been cooked a little. 
3. It's funny, though... for both of our 30th birthdays, I realized we went to places where we had to cook our own food, haha. For mine, he took me to the Melting Pot, where you cook your meats in your fondue pot of boiling broth. And for the Korean BBQ, you cook your meats on the grill in the middle of the table. Both of them were also a LOT of food.
4. Trivia Night is coming up, and I've been busy finishing things. I can't believe it's a week away! As always, if you're interested in getting a table together, it's April 7, let me know and I can send you the flyer.
5. I bought Josie a new ball and it's turned out to be one of my best purchases. Josie absolutely LOVES to play ball. She chews the fuzz off of tennis balls, so a racquetball proved the best kind for her. But ever since we put in hardwood, playing ball became downright dangerous. Since the racquetball is so rigid and made the way it is, it bounced all over the place on the wood floor. Not only did Josie slip and slide everywhere trying to catch it, I started to fear for our home. One wrong bounce could send it flying into something breakable or leave marks on our walls. We had to only play ball outside :(. On a whim, I bought her a new ball. It's not perfectly round, and the material has more give to it, all meaning that it doesn't bounce all that much. It's great and she loves it. Woo hoo!

30 Weekend

It all started on Friday. You already heard about the "Doughnut Debacle" of Friday morning. Jarrod tried to surprise me with breakfast, and I ruined it. Oh man, little did I know the surprises that were in store...

Around 11 a.m. he called me upstairs from my office. He had a card, wrapped gift, and suitcase set out for me. He wanted to give me my gift early, and then told me I needed to pack for the night. We were going to stay somewhere, but that was all he told me. The original plan (for Saturday morning) was I was supposed to go to the mall with my mom. That was made up and not happening. Mom and dad were watching the dog, but we had to come back mid-Saturday because they couldn't watch her all weekend. When I said "Huh, I wonder what they're up to, I wonder why." he replied "I don't know, I think it was something with the Corvette Club."

So I finished work at 1:00, met with a lady at church, called mom, and we headed out around 2:30.

I still didn't know where we were headed, but we ended up at the Moonrise Hotel in the Loop. We've stayed there once before during another staycation, which this kind of was in itself. We were both getting hungry, but I found out we had a dinner reservation at 6:00. Again, I had no idea where.

Staring at the chocolate...

We walked to dinner about three blocks away, which was at... The Melting Pot! We've never been, but it was great. It's definitely an "experience" as they call it. The food was so good, but there was so
much, both of us felt ridiculously full afterwards. We did their four-course thing and started with the cheese, had a salad, then our meats, then chocolate for dessert. Our waitress brought me a rose, as well, which was a nice touch. Jarrod couldn't remember if he added that to his reservation or not, lol! It wasn't on the bill, so I guess it was from them since they knew it was my birthday.

We walked back to our hotel to go to the rooftop bar, which is a really cool spot if you're never been. It was a nice night out too.

Saturday morning we had breakfast at the hotel before heading onto other surprises. Ever since we left on Friday I was so excited to see what in the world Jarrod had planned! It was all in his hands, I had no clue what we would be doing.

So we left the hotel to head to the art museum, yay! We walked through most of it, except the new addition since we did that last time. Jarrod kept saying he had to watch our time, so we went to the second floor to check out the American and Native American art. It wasn't that great and I blazed through it. Jarrod kind of lingered a little bit. We finished up a bit early and I felt up to walking back to the truck; he had to park far away, but it was all downhill. We headed to lunch which was at...

Mai Lee in Brentwood, a Vietnamese place we wanted to try. We both got our usual pho and it was delicious! I had commented as we pulled up maybe we should check out Total Wine if we had time. Our lunch only took 30 minutes so we definitely did, and apparently needed to...

Total Wine is impressive, from a wine standpoint. Since we're more beer people, I'd say Friar Tuck's is better for that, but both are good places. It's a shame we don't have something like that closer to here. Anyways, I picked up a bottle of wine recommended by Wanda, and Jarrod got some beers. It took a while to check out, but then we were on our way home.

Driving home, Jarrod said I should go ahead and do my aerobika because he didn't think I'd have much time for my vest before we had to turn around and head back out to... whatever else he had planned. So I did. He also suggested I grab a hat before we left.

We pulled into town, up the road, turned onto our road. And there were a bunch of cars, which I kind of wondered about. But it's not uncommon for our neighbors at the end of the street to have a bunch of people over, so it wasn't too weird. Then I saw our garage door was open... and there were a ton of people in our driveway!

How it looked from my view.

Oh-my-goodness. How amazing it was! There were so many people here, from all over, to surprise me for my birthday! It was so awesome. I got out of the truck, and my dad was the first to greet me with a hug. I couldn't hold it in, I started crying. I was so moved. It was a bit of a whirl, I can't even really remember if I made it back around to Jarrod to give him a hug or say something, but oh man. What an amazing feeling.

How it looked from everyone else's view.

I walked inside to find my grandma Watson had made it down here too, which was awesome. The house was decorated to a T with banners and photos, an awesome little board with all kinds of facts about the year I was born, a lovely cake, food, drinks, the deck had tables and a popup tent over it, and I was told to also go downstairs. I found a big 30 covered in photos, and a jungle of balloons (that's what I'll call it, lol) with pictures of me hanging on them.

The rest of the day was spent mingling with everyone. I tried so hard to spend a little bit of time with every person. I wished I could have sat down and spent like an hour with everyone, but that's just not possible. Slowly, people started heading on their ways, and it was just a group of our friends that remained.

I told Jarrod I wanted the whole backstory to all of this, once everyone left. So once they did, he started diving into that...

Turns out he'd been planning this since February. February! And even so, he said that he knew he wanted to do this for me before my 29th birthday. Wow. That's just... awesome.

For the longest time, he was trying to figure out how to get me out of the house, so everyone would have plenty of time to set up our house, and determined that us staying somewhere Friday would be best and seem least suspicious.

Turns out while we were eating breakfast at the hotel, his mom and dad, my parents, and Julia all got to our house around 9:00 a.m. that morning to start setting up.

He had started asking for addresses from people months ago because, as he told them, "I can't find the address book, and I obviously can't ask Jamie where it is." Ha! Formal invitations were sent out—who knew?—with RSVP to his mom, who was even out of town during a lot of the planning leading up to this.

Then all kinds of minute details came into play...

Like the day before, when I called my mom? He had JUST gotten off the phone with them, like right as I was calling her. He was in the garage and had called them to tell them what the deal was so their stories would match, and they should say that they had a Corvette Club thing and that was why they couldn't watch the dog all weekend. Wow, what are the odds. And just in time.

When we were leaving the art museum, we were ahead of schedule, and he was debating every little way to draw it out more. That's why we went to check out the American art, but then I rushed through it. He tried to look at some pieces longer, not because he was interested, but because he wanted to kill time, haha! And then I said I felt up to walking to the truck, which was perfect because that took more time, lol.

We pretty much NEEDED to go to Total Wine after lunch, because otherwise we would arrived at home way too soon. The invite said for people to be here at 2:30 sharp, with the plan that we would get here at 3:00. Jarrod even doubled back and looked over a aisles more than once to kill more time so we wouldn't be too early.

And there were so many other little things.

It makes sense, now, why he was on his phone more that day. And why it wasn't synced up with his truck, something he almost always does. I had noticed those things, but didn't think much of them.

I think a lot of people were wondering if I was truly surprised, but I was! It was such a great day, and made me feel so special and so very loved by so many people.

(If you haven't seen my video on Facebook, I posted one the other day thanking everyone for coming out and telling a little bit of this story.)

Friday Fast 5

1. A new book store opened in Washington yesterday. I wish them the best, but they have a definite uphill battle to fight, it is just impossible to compete with online sites like Amazon. 
2. Jarrod and I went to the Thirty Seconds to Mars & Muse concert on Tuesday. What an awesome show! Jarrod isn't so much a Muse fan, but I am, but we both like "Mars" so he bought me tickets for Valentine's back in February. Thirty Seconds to Mars was really good, although they were just the opener, so they only played for 45ish minutes. The lead singer, Jared Leto, busted his knee in another show two days prior, so I think he was maybe a little less energetic than normal. That's not to say he mailed it in, he definitely didn't, but I would guess it would have been just a tad better if he could have ran around like normal. Then Muse... oh wow. I've read bits and pieces through the years saying that they are one of the absolute best acts to see live, and I'd agree. They put on an awesome show, and even Jarrod was impressed. I'd totally go see them again in a heartbeat if the chance arises. And we both already want to go see Mars again as a headliner, I know it would be an even better show. Luckily, Mars is releasing a new album this year, and Muse announced they will have a new one in 2018, so I think we will probably have our wishes granted in the near future.
3. This upcoming week is the Race Across America bike race. If you never read the story from two years ago when I met the team Love, Sweat, & Gears, I recommend it. It is one of my favorite blogs I've ever written and is still a story that blows me away. I hope I can get a chance to say hello to them again this year.
4. I saw a video yesterday that was interesting... it was in some foreign country, two people were using pitch forks to stir up dirt on their farm, and there was a pack of terriers. As they worked the soil, rats came out—I didn't even know rats lived in the ground like that, like a mole. The dogs went after them, caught them, shook them in the their jaws and killed them. Every time my Josie shakes her head, with a toy in her mouth, so hard it seems like she'd hurt her neck, that's that instinct right there; that's exactly what those dogs were doing to those rats. It was A, kinda gross, the size of some of these rats was disgusting. B, kinda brutal, even though completely natural. And C, kinda neat to see the dogs doing the jobs they were bred to do. Terriers are ratters, they were bred to hunt vermin and protect farms back in the old days, and somewhere in the world they obviously still serve their very useful purpose.
5. While I'm talking terriers, have I ever told you that Josie is left-pawed? She is!

Doughnut Debacle

I have to tell the following story, because it is just too funny...

I woke up at 5:30am coughing; decided to get up and go do my treatment. Once I was done, I was really awake, and decided going back to bed was pointless. I thought to myself I wonder when Shulte's opens? They open at 6am. It was 6:05am, perfect!

I threw on some clothes and left to go get fresh doughnuts as a nice little treat and surprise (and it happens to be National Doughnut Day, which is a total coincidence.) All the while, Jarrod is still asleep, he has no idea I left. I got back, doughnuts in hand, made covfefe, and sat on the couch to wait for Jarrod to get up and get ready for work.

He finally got up at 6:45, which meant he was running late. He came out to the living room to find me sitting there, on my iPad, and asked "What are you doing?" I told him how I woke up early, blah blah blah. But that I'd been to Shulte's and back, and I had doughnuts! He asked why I didn't come wake him up sooner (since he'd be kinda late for work.) I didn't realize the time.

Then he laid down on the couch—weird, seeing as he was just commenting about being late—I asked what was up. He told me... He actually didn't have to go to work, he took the day off. And he was planning to make me breakfast while I was doing my vest (which takes 30 minutes.) He had no idea I had gotten up early, only noticed I wasn't actually in bed right before he got up at 6:45, hoped I was vesting and he could surprise me. But no.

Oh man... what are the odds. My surprise ruined his surprise.

A Wonderful Vacation

Jarrod and I returned Sunday afternoon from a wonderful, nearly perfect anniversary vacation to Branson. We are celebrating five years of marriage!

We started our vacation Thursday morning eating breakfast at Cowan's. Jarrod had never been there before, so it was high time we went, haha! It had been years since I had gone there too.

A really beautiful sunrise Friday morning from our window.

Friday we rented a boat and went out on Table Rock Lake for four hours. The weather forecast was a little iffy, with a 40% chance of pop up rain/storms, but it turned out great. It wasn't too windy, it didn't rain or storm. It was pretty hot and humid, so the water felt good.

Saturday, on our actual anniversary, we drove towards the dam to a viewing area you could pull off onto. There was a road we found, and we weren't entirely sure where it would end up, but it came out down near Tanycomo, where trout fisherman could wade in. This fisherman was nearby and he became the perfect subject for taking photos:

Oh, and: goose butts. Hahahahaha!

We were in Table Rock State Park, even though we were next to Lake Tanycomo (which, Jarrod informed me: Tanycomo is named for being in Tany County, like Tany Co. Mo.? Someone must have been bored when they named that lake.) There was an entrance point to the trail system and we decided to do one of the loops, and I crossed one thing off my bucket list: go hiking! Yay! I brought my camera with me, and was having fun taking pictures along the way. But the bigger deal here is that I hiked! I kept a good pace and of course I was breathing hard at times, but I'm so happy I was able to do it! It had some steep inclines and uneven rocky terrain, but Jarrod said that it was very well-marked and a pretty good trail. But next time, we'll bring bug spray and do a Map My Route at the beginning for fun. Live and learn, haha.

Light in the forest.

We had dinner at the White River Fish House, which is actually Bass Pro's restaurant down on the Branson Landing. It was really good! I would recommend it. Afterwards we came back to our hotel bar to enjoy a cocktail and to our surprise, around 9:00pm a piano player arrived to play on the baby grand.

He was SO enjoyable! It was absolutely delightful listening to him. His improvisation was incredible. He asked for requests and would play from memory, or make it up, or a little of both. He never looked at a piece of music the entire time, it was all in his head. One woman asked for "Dream A Little Dream of Me" and he got up to hum a few notes with her to establish he remembered the song, sat back down and said "Ok, I got it. I'll throw in a nice bridge in the middle." He came over and asked me for a request at one point, and asked if I sang. I said "Ehh... sometimes." He said I looked like a singer or a dancer, he thought maybe I was "in the biz" there because I "just had that smile, that confidence about you." Aw... :) I requested "Singin' In the Rain," and he made that one up as he went but it was spot on. He played ragtime, musicals, he played pop songs in the style of a jazz tune, he played a jazz tune in the style of a waltz. It was wonderful.

Turns out he is there most Friday or Saturday evenings, and when I looked him up online, found in his bio that he has worked with numerous television shows/specials as a composer, conductor, or musician; Dick van Dyke, the Tonight Show, Matlock, Donnie and Marie Osmond, Sammy Davis, Roy Clark, Jack Benny, the Academy Awards, plus tons more and he moved to Branson back in the 90s to play and conduct for Andy Williams at his show there. Now he plays at the Chateau on the Lake. If you are ever in Branson on a Friday or Saturday evening and you want to hear a talented jazz pianist, you have to drive over to Chateau to listen to this guy.

Sunday we ate breakfast and played one last round of mini-golf before heading home; mini golf is one of my favorite things to do in Branson since there's an abundance of courses. The breakfast spot was Billy Gail's, which came highly recommend by my mom's friend, Gwen. They offer free coffee while you wait, and it was possibly the best pancake I've had in my life. Yes, pancake, singular, because the pancakes are colossal. They're larger than the plate and bring up visions of Uncle Buck trying to flip a pancake with a snow shovel.

Me and my pancake. Seriously, how do they flip this thing over?

All in all our trip was so wonderful: great weather, great time, things went well, hardly any hiccups, and pretty much all of the places we ate at were good or awesome.

If you'd have told me five years ago that on our 5th wedding anniversary I would be hiking through the Ozarks, I don't think I'd have believed you. Actually, I know I wouldn't have because back then I wouldn't have felt it would be possible for me to do it. These past five years married to Jarrod have been so good, and I look forward to many more.

Sunset from the lookout point on Saturday evening.

Not doing the best...

Well, I almost made it through cold and flu season scotch free, but it just didn't happen.

Last Thursday evening, I started coughing after I walked on the treadmill. It continued basically all night, while trying to watch a movie with a friend. I slept in the recliner, because laying down makes me cough in times like these, and semi-sitting up is the only possible way to get sleep.

Friday was much of the same: I coughed through work, I was extremely short of breath, I tried to take a nap but maybe only got 30 minutes. My parents wanted to take Jarrod out to dinner for his birthday, and I waited until the last minute to decide if I felt we should reschedule. We ended up going, and I made it through, but was still coughing consistently.

I didn't feel sick, it didn't feel like a cold or something. It felt kind of like a flare-up, some sort of pulmonary attack, possibly from my bugs I have down in my lungs all the time.

Saturday, still coughing. Again, I tried to rest all day because we had an event to go to that evening with some friends, and I really wanted to go. I still didn't feel like I caught something, this felt like it was all CF-related me issues and therefore I wouldn't be contagious. I decided to go to the event, but would leave if it got to be too much. I ended up leaving a bit early towards the end.

Sunday... the cough itself was worse. It was deeper, worse sounding. I kept up on my breathing treatments, and did my Aerobika for 4 hours hoping it'd help and then I would be done coughing. But it still didn't happen. I mean, it's still a good thing I cleared stuff out, but it didn't abate my cough in the least. I had a constant wheeze when I exhaled too, that varied in sound from a falling anvil in the Looney Tunes to a Tarzan cry.

I figured I'd reach out with my doctors on Monday, but then I got a low-grade fever, always a sign your body is fighting off something. I knew I needed to call my doctor, but I was so dreading it because I was afraid they were going to have me come straight into the hospital. You know how that goes, you want to ignore a problem and hope it goes away, but deep down you know that doesn't work and you need to do something about it, something you really don't want to do? I couldn't just ignore the fever, so I called my doctor, and she called in some antibiotics for me so I could jump start on those, and would have me come in for a chest x-ray and other tests.

Sunday evening was kind of my breaking point. After coughing for 4 days straight, I was exhausted. I didn't even have the energy to cry about it. I imagine it's a similar exhaustion parents of newborns feel; just when you think you're really exhausted and couldn't possibly be more exhausted than you are right now, you wake back up to a crying baby—in my case, my cough—and your exhaustion reaches new levels. I could barely function, but I couldn't quit coughing long enough to actually sleep or rest. I wanted to lay down, I wanted to give my back a break, but I couldn't because like I said, laying down—even in bed with 4 pillows—made me cough. I was so exhausted I couldn't even really cough anymore. I had a Derek Zoolander I've-got-the-black-lung-pop kind of cough because I just couldn't muster the strength.

Today, Jarrod took me to Columbia for my tests. I didn't meet with the doctor, but we'll get the results tomorrow morning and determine where to go from there. I would have done all of it out here, but out here they can't do the sputum culture, the most important piece of the puzzle in the event this gets worse and I need to go in the hospital. I'm glad to report that I'm not coughing as much, but now I'm on damage control. I've got a lot of gunk to clear out. I was able to treadmill for 15 minutes, so that's a good start.

But I ask for your prayers. Gosh this has been a rough one. I've had times like these before, and I always get through it, but I don't think I've ever had a cough consistently last this many days. I could be wrong.

Jarrod has been wonderful through all of this. He took care of everything over the weekend, with cleaning and cooking and more. Even when I attempted to help, he would tell me to go sit back down and focus on resting.

Josie has been wonderful too. She has been hopping up on the chair to lay with me, cuddling with me often, and just generally checking on me if I'm gone from the room for a bit. She even just sat right next to my legs yesterday while Jarrod tried to comfort me with a hug (except, not really a hug, because we couldn't hug, because on Saturday I thought it'd be a GREAT idea for him to smoke a chicken, but really I could not have picked a more AWFUL time for him to smoke meat since smoke bothers me, and therefore I couldn't even be around him until he changed clothes and showered. Brilliant plan on my part... yeesh.)

So again, I'd appreciate it if you kept me in your thoughts and prayers. I'll let you all know how the tests come back tomorrow.

In Limbo

I talked to Jarrod about this the other night, but I am not happy with the present state I am in right now. Problem is, I'm not quite sure how to really change it.

I feel like I'm in limbo, I'm waiting. I feel like I'm a piece of luggage on an endless flight that doesn't quite know where to land yet. My life feels like it's on hold or something.

A. I'm waiting to find a full-time job. While my part-time position has been just fine, and I am very grateful that I have it, I still need and want to find something full-time, in my degree field. But this one is probably the hardest one to change, as there is not a whole lot of opportunities out there just yet and I can't just force someone to hire me.

B. I'm waiting to move out. This one will only happen after I acquire A.

C. I'm waiting to move on in life with Jarrod. It's all very exciting to think about what's to come, but again, at the moment I'm just waiting.

D. I'm waiting for Jarrod to be out of school and come home. I doubt C is happening before this one, so I'll just have to sit tight. Furthermore, I'm waiting for some of my other friends to graduate and come back home.

E. I'm waiting to feel better again. Now that I have a slightly new-found motivation to exercise, I'm anxious to feel better again. I'm ready to not feel tired after climbing a couple flights of stairs, I'm ready to be able to catch a cold and not have it knock me over for a couple days (I'll put up with one day, that's all, haha), I'm ready to have more tolerance for things. But, as we all know, one of the biggest evils of exercise is that you see little to no benefit in the beginning and it sucks majorly, so it makes you want to quit. Well, this time I don't think I really can afford to.

I was thinking about this earlier: while theatre in high school was awesome for me because it gave me something to do and a good group of friends, when I decided to drop dance classes in Junior year was probably one of the worst things I could have done health-wise; I quit ballet, pointe, jazz, and tap cold turkey and didn't find any new activities. I've been without exercise for over 5 years now, and I need to quit thinking I can go without it, buck up, and just do it. My lungs will thank me for it later, I'm sure. So I am on the long trek forward to gain back some tolerance and hopefully see lots of improvement. I read a story of a girl with CF once who was like me, started exercising when she was in her mid 20's, and now runs marathons. I hope I can get to a point similar to that.

So yeah. Lots of waiting. And E is about the only part of this I have major control over. The rest is either just going to unfold with time or is completely out of my hands. I have a feeling that I'm either going to look back on this year or two years of my life and either I will find that I did a lot of growing and changing or that it was a complete waste of time. Right now, I'm feeling like it's a waste of time. Who likes to wait?